


Pep Talk

by suallenparker



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Comfort, F/M, Fluff, dash of angst, director coulson, giving a speech, philinda secret summer 2014
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-10
Updated: 2014-06-10
Packaged: 2018-02-04 03:21:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1763979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suallenparker/pseuds/suallenparker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coulson wants to give a speech as the new director of S.H.I.E.L.D. and May is having some fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pep Talk

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Arya_Lis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arya_Lis/gifts).



“… and the future is the … baby of hope,” Phil ended lamely. He stopped pacing through his office and turned to look at his friend.

“Worst speech ever.” Melinda leaned back in her chair.

He sighed and hung his shoulders. “Thanks.”

“That means something because you talk a lot,” she said, her mouth twitched.

“You really don’t do comfort.”

“Comfort won’t make your speech any better.”

“I have no idea what I should tell them, Melinda.”

“You’ll figure it out,” she said softly. “You’re good at this stuff.”

Today he wasn’t. This was awful. He was awful. Stupid, stupid, stupid idea to give a speech as the sort of new director of SHIELD. Even more idiotic that he announced to the team he’d have something to tell them tonight. Things were falling apart and they all needed something to lift them up. Too bad that his mind drew a blank.

He sighed again. “Maybe I should drink some whiskey, maybe that would loosen me up.”

“We both could take a shot whenever you use the word _future_.”

“Melinda.”

“You’d be drunk in less than an hour.” She grinned.

“Glad you’re having fun.” He couldn’t help it, he grinned too. He loved her like that, having fun with him. She barely allowed her sense for humor to shine through. He loved the sparkle in her eyes as she mocked him. He loved her.

He was in such a mess!

“Stop trying to sound like a smart ass and just talk to them,” she said and tilted her head. “Talk to me.”

He pressed his lips together. She wouldn’t like what he had to say. He didn’t like it, that was why he was hiding behind these ridiculous words. Future was the baby of hope? What the hell?!

But he couldn’t see his future anymore. He didn’t dare to dream.

“I’m scared, Melinda.” He shrugged. “And worried. I’m not sure if I can do this.”

“It’s just a speech.” She smiled at him. “You’ll be fine,” she added.

But he wasn’t and if the TAHITI project was any indicator, he wouldn’t be. He pressed his lips together. Three days ago, they had caught Garrett. A good day. A wonderful day! The new secret base was wonderful and stocked up with all kinds of resources. They had their bus back. They had Simmons. But Fitz was in a coma and yesterday night he had scratched patterns all over a complete storage room.

Melinda stood up and walked up to him. “You’ll be fine.” She placed her hand on his upper arm and he felt the warmth of her palm through his suit.

“I’m seeing the patterns everywhere, Melinda.” He looked at her with pleading eyes. “I’m seeing them now. I have no idea what they mean but I know they’re important.” He sighed. “I mean, I know they’re a symptom. They’re …” He swallowed and shook his head. “I don’t trust myself anymore.”

“Good.” She squeezed his arm.

He snorted. “Good?”

“You’re sane enough to understand what’s happening to you and you don’t hide behind the illusion that everything’s okay.”

“Your pep-talks aren’t great either.”

Melinda swallowed. “I’m scared, too.”

“What should I do?” he asked.

“What should _we_ do.” She squeezed his arm again. “You’re not alone in this.”

“That makes it just more scary,” he mumbled.

She frowned. “You don’t trust me?”

“Of course I trust you!” How should he explain? “I just feel like –” He didn’t dare to say it.

“Like what?”

“Like I’m a burden?” He looked at her. “Fury wants me to build up S.H.I.E.L.D. and fight H.Y.D.R.A and I …” He shook his head, angry at himself. “How can I do that if I have to fight myself? And how can you do it if you have to babysit me?”

“No.” Her grip around his arm tightened.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re not getting out of this so easily,” she said sternly.

“Melinda …”

She glared. “You’re not allowed to give up. I haven’t. I won’t.”

He loved her. He wanted to believe her so much. He wished he’d be stronger. He wished she wouldn’t look this worried.

“Just tell them what you want to happen,” she said. “Tell them what we should do. Then we’ll get there together.”

He knew what he wanted to happen. He wanted Fitz to wake up, he wanted Simmons to stop being so worried and sad. He wanted Skye to get over her anger for Ward. He wanted S.H.I.E.L.D to protect the world again. And he wanted to run it, make a difference, change the world for the better. And he wanted her to be there with him, not just to have his back but to be at his side.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” he said.

“I’m not gonna leave you.”

“I’m grateful for that as well.” He smiled. He felt selfish for wanting her close to him but oh he was grateful she was. Especially after all the hoops he had made her jump through. “Thank you for coming back.”

She let go of him. “You don’t need to –“

“Yes, I do.” He hid his hands behind his back. “I’m sorry for pushing you away like I did.” He avoided her gaze. “I’m sorry for shooting you.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. It wasn’t.”

She touched his arm again and squeezed. When he looked at her, her eyes were warm and soft. “I forgive you.”

“Thank you. I forgive you too. For keeping this from me.”

She stared at him and he wanted to kiss her. The patterns proved that it would make sense. It would be perfect. This wasn’t good.

“You mean a lot to me, too,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry for throwing your words back at you. It was just too much at the moment. I’m sorry.”

Her eyes widened.

He swallowed. “You’re my best friend, you know that?”

She nodded slightly.

“And I …” He closed his mouth. He loved her so much. Telling her that wouldn’t be fair. “I’d be lost without you,” he said instead. “I just want you to know much much you mean to me and –“

“Stop.” She shook her head. “It feels like you’re saying goodbye. Please stop.”

He took a breath. Wasn’t he running out of time here? What if this was his last chance for any closure. The patterns around him promised him a bright future. They promised him love. His hands itched because he wanted to carve them all into walls. He was definitely losing it.

“I need you to survive this, Phil.”

“I’m not sure if I will.” He shrugged and tried to smile, but failed.

“No, you don’t understand.” She shook her head again and grabbed his other arm. “I _need_ you to survive this. I _need_ you.” She was begging now. She broke his heart.

“I love you,” she continued, “and I just need you to survive this and be happy and I’m sure Audrey will take you back and just. I need you alive.”

Her words came so quickly, he had trouble progressing their meaning. The patterns around him stayed as they were, telling him that this was perfect, that it was supposed to happen like it just did. That she loved him. And that they would be well. How could he believe his ears when she proved his insanity right?

“You need to finish your speech,” she said quietly and looked away. Her hand dropped to her side and he missed her touch.

“I love you, too,” he said. Maybe he was insane. Maybe he was as good as dead already. How could he not tell her, patterns or not? Now his hands itched with the need to touch her. He clenched them behind his back.

She looked at him, her eyes widened, her brows furrowed. She looked so, so worried. “You don’t have to –“

“I can’t help it,” he interrupted. “I love you.” He couldn’t help so many things.

Melinda took a breath. And another one. She reached up and cradled his face. Her palm was soft against his cheek. He nuzzled into it. Unable to resist any longer he put his hands on her hips. When she tiptoed and leaned into him, his eyes fell shut. The patterns around him disappeared as she kissed him softly. Short. Sweet.

She leaned her forehead against his and wrapped her arms around his neck.

She made him feel safe. This at least felt right and true. Her, he trusted.

“What do we do now?” he asked.

She kissed his cheek. “Get through this. Together.”


End file.
